Ship Happens Ep1
by CabooseLooseAboutThisHouse
Summary: The kind of things I imagine happening on board the Mother Of Invention between rvb episodes. Ship Happens is set somewhere in series ten and is chronologically ordered. While on one of his usual midnight strolls, Agent York comes accross a rather interesting assortment of the Directors personal possessions.


Ship Happens

Red vs Blue Fan-fiction - Freelancer Chronicles

Episode 1

York and the Directors Stash

It has become a habit of Agent York's to wonder the mother of invention after hours, trying most of the doors he passes. He usually doesn't quite know if he was looking for something or is just curious. However, tonight he is a man on a mission. After asking her numerous times and even resorted to trying to trick her he had eventually had to break into the personnel files to find out what day Carolina's birthday is. Unfortunately in procuring this information he had discovered that her birthday is in two weeks. This brought him here, wondering the ship in search of hidden loot. Delta appears at Yorks side.  
"What are you hoping to find exactly York?" Asks Delta, trying not to remind York that this ship is a controlled area and any unnecessary cargo would have been flushed into space.  
"Well something pretty or sexy, you know" Replies York absentmindedly.  
"York, I am almost positive that agent Carolina is in her quarters and most likely asleep by now. " Delta says innocently.  
"Wow D, did you just make a joke at my expense." York jokes.  
"I apologise agent york, I merely thought you where talking about agent Carolina, as you do so frequently." Delta says in an almost patronising tone.  
"Do you think she is sexy Delta?" Asks York curiously.  
"By sexy I would assume you mean suitable to mate with, so my answer would be that although more genetic diversity would be preferable she would be a more than exceptional receptacle for your seed." States Delta. York sighs.  
"Every time I see hope you come up with something like that. And anyway why whenever I bring up Carolina you turn it into a conversation about us "mating"."  
"The goal of you actions is sexual reproduction with agent Carolina is it not."  
"A relationship is not just about sex D, it's also about love between two people."  
"Then I submit to you that the relationship you share with agent Carolina, as the feelings are not entirely mutual is more commonly known as stalking." York considers this for a second.  
"D, it's not stalking unless the other person doesn't want you doing it."  
"York, I highly doubt agent carolina would want you up after hours considering how highly she values performance."  
"Carolina is different, you know what she is like when she is training."  
"Hmm, your argument is valid, however I have a question, are you what is described as a romantic person?"  
"Maybe I am D, maybe I am."

York continues down a poorly lit corridor with his helmet light switched on. He reaches the end of the corridor to find a locked door.  
"Ah ha, just what we're looking for." Says York triumphantly. He gets down on one knee and pulls out a bobby pin and screw driver. He breaths in deeply an exhales before inserting the pin into the lock and applying pressure with the screwdriver. After a short pause there is a click and the door slides open. York stands up replacing the tools in his belt and pushes the door open. It is a small room and lit with a faint blue light. The walls are lined with chests and cupboards all uniformly closed and locked and painted a light grey.  
"Agent York, are you planing to pick all of those locks?" Asks Delta appearing in front of York and colouring the room a bright green.  
"Do you really need to ask?"  
"I suppose not but it is now one o'clock in the morning and I would advise you to sleep in order to perform at optimal levels tomorrow."  
"That's not gonna happen D, but you could help me by telling me what is in these cupboards."  
"According to your armours scan there are numerous sources of nutrients in all of the draws most notably second to the right there is a substance rich in starch, sugars and fats"  
"Wait, your saying my armour has found cake, finally it's worth carrying around."  
"Agent York your armour does far more than detect cake, it also protects you from low caliber ammunition and provides a HUD giving you an accurate assessment of your armour condition,the equipment you carry and ammunition in your primary and secondary weapons."  
"And I suppose you are going to tell me there is 20 percent off the price if I order before 5am."  
"I apologise agent York, I don't understand what you mean."  
"Don't worry D."  
"Top right cupboard, your armour detects a high alcohol volume substance."  
York walks to the cupboard and examines the lock.  
"And this, ladies and gentlemen is why you should invest in good quality locks." Smirks York as he twists the lock before giving it a sharp tap. The lock clicks and falls off the box. He opens the box tentatively and peers in.  
"There's a party in my box and everyone is invited."  
"Agent York, I do not believe you can claim this box as your own."  
The box is full to the brim with bottles of whiskey. York picks up one of the bottles and examines the label.  
"Wow, that's allot of whiskey and not the cheap stuff either."  
"May I ask how you estimate the value of this alcohol."  
"When I joined the project, to get on the directors good side I bought him this brand of whiskey. "  
York stood up slowly before releasing the lock on the "cake" cupboard. He pules the lock off with ease and opens the door.  
"Now that, is a cake!"  
"If you where to eat this entire cake now I predict a 74.2 percent chance of you contracting type 2 diabetes instantaneously."  
"Let's get this stuff home."

Agent Washington rolls over and rubes his eyes while letting out a long, soft yawn. He then clambers to his feet before promptly deciding that he could use a shower. While drying himself off he can't help but think that he has missed something and as he wonders back into his room he sees it, a glass bottle of whiskey. Wash glares at it for a second before picking it up and examining the label.  
"York." He says out loud before slipping the bottle under his bed and throwing on the standard issue UNSC mother of invention crew t-shirt and trousers and heading to Yorks quarters. He passes Carolina in the corridor and slides the door open to find York already in his armour and sitting on his bed.  
"You could at least knock first, I might have had a girl in here." Says York grinning up at him.  
"Yeah, like that's gonna happen anytime soon."  
"Well it might do if you help me."  
"I was wondering why you gave me the whiskey. So whose the lucky girl and what do you want my help with."  
"Nothing too difficult I just want you to find me something to use as wrapping paper, a riot shield and some sticky tape."  
"Well I knew some people had unusual fetishes but this is something else."  
"Hilarious, now can you do that for me? "  
"Fine, but only if you tell me who you are trying to impress with your wrapped riot shield"  
"The riot shield is insurance, but if you must know, it's Carolina."  
Wash's mouth falls open.  
"I don't know if you are suicidal or just dumb. But behalf of all the men on this ship including the director I salute your courage." Wash stands to attention and saluting before leaving the room and York to remember that he should really get to the training room.

"Do you ever get the feeling that somebody Is talking behind your back?" Asks Agent Carolina turning to York as they stand in the observation booth above the training room floor watching Wyoming try to teach Maine to snipe. "Yeah, but I just assume they are complementing my ass." Replies York with a mock cockiness, this gets a smirk from Carolina.  
"But seriously though, wash keeps looking at me strangely." States Carolina  
"We'll what where you doing at the time?"  
"Just making coffee."  
"What, in the coffee pot?"  
"Yeah, why?"  
"There's your answer, because nobody uses it there's a roomer that the director puts rat poison in it to promote independence by stopping people making coffee for everybody."  
"Well I feel fine so we know that one's not true. I don't think it was the coffee though."  
"You know Wash, he gets nervous and jittery."  
"What, around coffee?"  
York looks at her with raised eyebrows and a signature grin. There was a short silence only broken by the sound of a sniper rifle miss firing and the annoyed growls of Maine. "How do you do it?" Asks Carolina bluntly.  
"Do what?"  
"Stay so positive all the time. Its almost annoying sometimes."  
"Smile and the world smiles with you."  
"Uh, don't give me that."  
"I'm serious, it not only gives you a positive outlook on life but also effects the way people behave around you, they are happier. And besides if I'm not smiling who else is going to cheer you up." This earns him another smirk.  
"I suppose you're right York. But don't expect me to go skipping down the corridors singing."

Wash picks up the rapping paper, the riot shield and the tape and carries them into Yorks quarters pushing the door open.  
"Again, I told you to knock there might be girls."  
"I've got the stuff you wanted."  
"Well you do work quickly don't you Wash." Says York as he takes the stuff from wash and places it on his bed tucking the riot shield down the side.  
"That's everything" York reaches under his bed and pulls out a bottle of champagne, two bottles of whiskey and a small black box.  
"Where did all the alcohol come from? Asks wash as York pours two glasses and hands one to wash.  
"I was wondering the ship one night..."  
"As you do." Interjects Wash but York ignores him.  
"And I come across a locked room, so after picking the lock I find it to be full of various treats, namely a cake, a few crates of whiskey and a crate of champagne. Oh and a family sized crate of tobacco. So I took a bottle of champagne a create of whiskey and the cake."  
"Right, so what's in he box."  
"Well, I knew that there are people on here with things to trade so I traded eight bottles of whiskey for this." York opens the box. Wash looks at it closely.  
"Wow, is that a rhodium coated white gold chain with a pear cut diamond."  
"Why yes it is, how do you know so much about jewellery?"  
"When you work with somebody whose job is to open locks you learn allot about valuables. You stand a significantly lower chance of getting your ass kicked if you give her that, but I would still take the riot shield."  
"Can you help me wrap this?"Asks York, downing his whiskey and looking at wash.  
"Yeah, alright then." Replies Wash as he sits on the floor.  
"So, would I be right if I thought it is Carolina's birthday tomorrow?"  
"Yep."  
"How are you going to give her the presents?"  
York looks into Wash's eyes.  
"I've got a plan."

Buzz, buzz, buzz, SMACK!  
Carolina looks up as she silences her alarm secretly wishing that she has broken it but not cruel enough to finish the job. She drags her hand across her face and yawns loudly. "Great." She thinks. "Another birthday." Leonard Church had never been a hugely supportive father but birthdays had been when he showed it most, while other kids had got cake and presents the director had just given her one piece of knowledge. "It's just another day." She blows the hair out of her face and ties it up in a pony tail before noticing three neatly wrapped parcels that she is sure weren't there yesterday. There is a note taped to the smallest. She pulls It off and looks at it, it simply reads "please don't hit me" with a smiley face underneath that is winking.  
"York" She says with a smirk. She picks up a tall present she can clearly tell is a bottle. "Nice" she says to herself. "Champagne" she wonders how York new that she was particularly partial to champagne or in fact how he knew it was her birthday. She places the bottle under her bed knowing all to well the Directors prohibition of alcohol. The largest present has the words "do not tilt" on the top so she carefully pulls the wrapping paper off the top to reveal a chocolate cake with a clear plastic cover encasing it. "Cake and presents" she thinks. "He must be psychic." She picks up the last present and runs her fingers down a seam, gently unwrapping the box before opening it. "Wow." She gasps.

York sits in bed. He has decided to keep his helmet by his side just incase, and is nervously gripping the riot shield. He listens intently for movement or talking, but nothing. He had head her alarm go off but after that, nothing. Then suddenly footsteps, he begins planing his escape route but its too late, the footsteps stop outside his door and then three knocks. "Well if it was Wash he wouldn't have knocked." Thought York. He musters up courage inside him and thinks that if he is in trouble then it couldn't get any worse.  
"Come in beautiful." He chimes.  
The door slides open slowly and the light that would have been cast into the room is blocked out by Carolina's silhouette. He looks slowly up her body and into her eyes before calculating his next move. This is the first time he had seen her out of her quarters in her pyjamas, it looked like she hade mad a special acceptation today so that she could beat him up extra early. She crosses the room in what feels like slow motion to York. He looks deep into her eyes, they are not filled with embarrassed rage as he had expected, but are there usual electric green but with a hint of something he doesn't quite recognise. He stands up and as he does, he notices the necklace fastened around her neck. Carolina moves quickly and carefully grabbing him by the shoulders and pining him to the wall before there lips connect and she kisses him deeply and slowly feeling him tense then relax under her grasp and leaning back only after a good minuet, releasing him and turning away leaving without another word. The kiss has the desired effect and leaves the usually quick witted York trying to peace together a joke about birthdays, rewards, and kissing Carolina, but he just sighs and the reality of what has just happened dawns on him. He walks out into the corridor draws back his arms and skips down the hall singing the first song that comes to mind, "Carolina in the morning."

THE END


End file.
